Why do we get disappointed

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Disappointment is a complex emotion that we have all experienced one time or to be honest more frequently than we would care to admit. And no matter how well we hide it, we often get disappointed. Beyond the emotional difficulties associated with disappointment, people experiencing disappointment can often be coupled with other sorts of difficulties. These may include frequent headaches, gastrointestinal problems, over-perspiration and prolonged periods can cause chronic ailments.

Disappointments are an unexpected and unavoidable part of reality. Often resulting from unmet goals, expectations or even trust. When our expectations of reality are unforthcoming or betrayed, we get disappointed. The higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment.

Although expectations might seem like the enemy and the cause of disappointment, as humans we are social and habitual creatures, we trust, hope, set standards and create expectations. Without these, we become less enthusiastic, and less energetic and lower our capacity for enjoyment.

Our expectations regardless of whether they are small or complex, are not always clear-cut and may be too high depending on the situation. Even if you believe your expectations are appropriate and realistic, they may not be. One way is to adjust your expectations to be more realistic.


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Common reasons why people may feel disappointed

Unmet Expectations

Disappointment arises when reality does not match our expectations. When we have high aspirations or particular expectations for a situation, person, or event and they are not satisfied, it can lead to feelings of disappointment.

Personal Standards

Individuals frequently establish personal standards or goals for themselves. If individuals believe they have fallen short of these expectations, they may be dissatisfied with their performance or behaviour.

External Circumstances

 External factors, such as external occurrences or the conduct of others, can contribute to disappointment. It can be disheartening when events unfold in ways that are contradictory to our desires or expectations.

Circumstances such as betrayal of trust placed on someone can cause disappointment.

Lack of Control

Disappointment can be caused by a sense of powerlessness or a lack of control over a situation. Humans enjoy a sense of agency and control in their lives, and when that is undermined, negative emotions can arise.

Attachment to Outcomes

Being too attached to a certain outcome might lead to disappointment. If one’s emotional well-being is unduly linked to success or a specific result, any divergence from the expected conclusion may lead to disappointment.

Social Comparison

Comparing oneself to others might lead to feelings of disappointment. Individuals who continuously compare their success, achievements, or pleasure to those of others may feel inadequate or let down.

Perceived Injustice

When people view a situation to be unfair or unjust, they may feel disappointed. This could be a result of personal experiences, societal difficulties, or a perception that moral or ethical standards have been breached.

Failure to meet basic psychological requirements

Human beings have basic psychological needs such as the need for belonging, competence, and autonomy. When these needs are not addressed, disappointment and emotional suffering can occur.

How to manage disappointment

Redirect you thinking

Stop obsessing over your failures. Dwelling does not affect the person or situation. We can become so focused on a situation that does not suit our requirements that we cause unnecessary stress. Thinking will not improve a bad situation, but it will influence how you feel about it. When you notice yourself thinking negatively, divert your thoughts and concentrate on positive answers.

Realigning your goals

Keep your expectations in check and strive to keep them as reasonable as possible. Recognise that not everything will go as planned and that there will be surprises.

Develop adaptability and resilience. Life is unpredictably unpredictable, and being able to change your expectations and plans might help to mitigate the effect of unexpected occurrences.

Focusing on processes rather than outcome

Emphasize the effort and journey rather than solely on the result. Appreciate the learning and growth that can occur along the way.

Managing the urge for social comparison

Avoid making continuous comparisons to others, as this can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, concentrate on your improvement and enjoy your accomplishments, no matter how minor.

Learning from disappointment as personal growth

Disappointments should be viewed as chances for learning and progress. Consider what went wrong, what could have been done better, and how you could approach such circumstances differently in the future.

Seek professional help/ support system

When emotions of disappointment become overpowering or persistent, consider seeking the advice and help of a mental health professional.

Surround yourself with encouraging friends, relatives, or mentors who can provide perspective, encouragement, and counsel during difficult times.

Finally, handling disappointment entails having reasonable expectations, developing resilience, learning from failures, and adopting a positive perspective. Individuals may traverse disappointments more successfully and nurture general well-being by concentrating on personal growth, creating a supporting network, and finding fulfilment in many facets of life.

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